Back in Black

THE OIL BAG - WEEK 6

To the Oil Blob, I've heard a saying recently, "Red, white and blue is the new green." I take it to mean that's it's patriotic, and in our long term interest, to become more green. Do you believe red, white and blue is the new green?
Sincerely,
- Josh K.,
Los Angeles, CA

Well Josh... in a word... NO. I always thought that a red, white and blue combination gave you a light purple color. Something a four year old girl would wear to church...

Let me quote a great American, that sums up red, white and blue, green, or any other color for that matter:

"Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants so long as it is black." -- Henry Ford, 1863-1947

Read carefully... If a visionary such as Mr. Ford believes in black, shouldn't you? Black has been a part of the American fabric since John D. Rockefeller founded Standard Oil back in 1870. Sweet black crude is as red, white and blue as football on Thanksgiving, apple pie, and beating up little kids for their candy on Halloween.

	OR
Who's scarier? Friedman or the Bearded Lady?
Profit seeking, fear-mongering, Scientist?!?!

I assume you're asking this question because several articles and blog posts have come out in favor of this argument... Such as:

1. Weblogg-ed
2. Laurie David's post on The Huffington Post.
3. Or movies on the Discovery Channel. (What are they discovering? New ways to give people needless anxiety attacks?)
4. And let us not forget Thomas Friedman's, The Power of Green. We also shouldn't forget the fact that ol' rolly-polly coined the blasphemous phrase we are now discussing.

How should I continue to address this common misconception... Let's start with this... You can't trust a man with a mustache (or woman for that matter... I've never wanted to know what other areas were hairy on The Bearded Lady)... there's something eerie about allowing a rat to sit on your upper lip and collect morsels of food. Besides, Thomas Friedman looks like the offspring of Miss Piggy and a walrus. If that's what "being green" looks like, then I hope Kermit isn't too pissed he was cuckold by a walrus.

All these stories of needing to become more green, are just a bunch of scare tactics, drummed up by a liberal leaning media, scientists who don't get out and enjoy the outdoors anyway, and people looking to profit through fear-mongering.

And last, but certainly not least - You know what they say, "Once you go black, you never go back," baby! We went black with Mr. Rockefeller, and there's no way we are turning our back on what rules.

WHY BLACK RULES

1. It's slimming. I wear black, and could win America's Next Top Model.
2. The "Little Black Dress" (also known as the "Ford Dress") is a great invention.
3. Very Importantly, Black is always in style - any season, any reason.
4. Most Importantly, America needs oil!

PROOF BLACK IS ALWAYS "IN" AND COOL

1. Shaft
2. Barry White
3. Any car. Becomes a chick magnet if it's black (Even the Honda Element)
4. Ninjas: What every kid wants to be, and 41.7% of all adults (another 15% won't admit it). Mysterious, silent and deadly. Hmmm... Reminds me of my dad's gas.
5. New Zealand's All Blacks. Bad-asses through and through. Just check out the below clip.

To prove my point, how freaked are the guys in GREEN? If green was so great, shouldn't they at least be appearing confident?

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The Oil Bag is written by Me, The Oil Blob Have a stupid question? email it to oilblob@endoil.org; Or, fill out my contact form.