Oil Helps Population Control
THE OIL BAG - WEEK 4
DOES OIL KILL PEOPLE? Me? Kill people? Kittens, maybe...(with their freaky reflective eyes, independence, and knack for pooping in a box. Have any of you ever seen a cat poop? I don't think it actually happens). Okay, okay, okay... I do take care of the occasional radical treehugger... But this jabroni, I mean "Emailer of the Week", wants me to take a guess at the number of deaths I'm responsible for...
First of all Mike, thank you for finally giving me the credit I so richly deserve. I mean, really... It's about time. The way I see it... I am helping control the world's population. If not, humans would be breeding like mice... or jack-rabbits (pick your animal). You'd be over-running the planet more than you already are.
Let's look at China. It's population is over 1.3 billion. Fortunately, pollution that I (and my fossil-fuel cousin, "Coal") strongly contribute to helps dispose of 760,000 Chinese every year (imagine where their population would be without me). I'm not responsible for all of them... But it's bad enough that the Chinese government is making the mistake of trying to get rid of "my byproducts" before next year's Olympics.
In terms of actual numbers, I am responsible for a lot (especially if you are to believe the excrement being pushed by the flower childs running this site). The closest numbers I've seen is that pollution-related deaths account for 40% of world wide deaths. Not bad, eh?
But it seems a little low... Especially if you include wars, ransoms gone bad, gonorrhea and the like. I'd guess that I put between 10.5 and 15 million notches on by belt every year.
I mean, how many more people would be starving the world over if it weren't for me? I've been such a tremendous "hitman" that I've lost count. Reading those numbers above, I started to get dizzy (although that might be the alcohol).
But honestly... It's not enough. Humans are still over running the planet. As I said above, you people breed like mice! Don't you think we could stand to lose a few more people in Africa, India, Indonesia, China, and even here in the U.S.? Fewer people means lesser demand on resources - and more for you. So, you should be helping me more!
Maybe you could help me control the population a little more though... I think these Vivoleum guys have it right, and are on to something.
So keep up your end of the bargain - pumping and using that sweet crude! - and I'll keep up mine (knocking down victims like a bowler knocks down pins at the lanes).
P.S. - George Clooney is a bitch!
P.P.S - So are Al Gore and "boy wonder" Leo DiCaprio.
P.P.P.S. - Want a little extra humor? Check out Adrian's blog. Dude's a realist.
The Oil Bag is written by Me, The Oil Blob Have a stupid question? email it to oilblob@endoil.org; Or, fill out my contact form.
DOES OIL KILL PEOPLE? Me? Kill people? Kittens, maybe...(with their freaky reflective eyes, independence, and knack for pooping in a box. Have any of you ever seen a cat poop? I don't think it actually happens). Okay, okay, okay... I do take care of the occasional radical treehugger... But this jabroni, I mean "Emailer of the Week", wants me to take a guess at the number of deaths I'm responsible for...
Dear Oil Blob, I don't think people realize how much you help to control the problem of human over-population. Whether through oil wars, pollution, or other means, how many people do you think you kill each year? Thank you,
- Mike L.,
Los Angeles, CA
 |
| Big Mice Breeding - Looks Like Your Uncle |
Let's look at China. It's population is over 1.3 billion. Fortunately, pollution that I (and my fossil-fuel cousin, "Coal") strongly contribute to helps dispose of 760,000 Chinese every year (imagine where their population would be without me). I'm not responsible for all of them... But it's bad enough that the Chinese government is making the mistake of trying to get rid of "my byproducts" before next year's Olympics.
In terms of actual numbers, I am responsible for a lot (especially if you are to believe the excrement being pushed by the flower childs running this site). The closest numbers I've seen is that pollution-related deaths account for 40% of world wide deaths. Not bad, eh?
But it seems a little low... Especially if you include wars, ransoms gone bad, gonorrhea and the like. I'd guess that I put between 10.5 and 15 million notches on by belt every year.
I mean, how many more people would be starving the world over if it weren't for me? I've been such a tremendous "hitman" that I've lost count. Reading those numbers above, I started to get dizzy (although that might be the alcohol).
But honestly... It's not enough. Humans are still over running the planet. As I said above, you people breed like mice! Don't you think we could stand to lose a few more people in Africa, India, Indonesia, China, and even here in the U.S.? Fewer people means lesser demand on resources - and more for you. So, you should be helping me more!
Maybe you could help me control the population a little more though... I think these Vivoleum guys have it right, and are on to something.
So keep up your end of the bargain - pumping and using that sweet crude! - and I'll keep up mine (knocking down victims like a bowler knocks down pins at the lanes).
P.S. - George Clooney is a bitch!
P.P.S - So are Al Gore and "boy wonder" Leo DiCaprio.
P.P.P.S. - Want a little extra humor? Check out Adrian's blog. Dude's a realist.
The Oil Bag is written by Me, The Oil Blob Have a stupid question? email it to oilblob@endoil.org; Or, fill out my contact form.
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