Be The Bear - Buy More, Buy Bigger, Buy Now

THE OIL BAG - WEEK 5

What Up Oil Snob, To try and minimize our impact on the planet, many people are beginning to push the mantra: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. How do you feel about this notion? Do you think that it will work?
I Hope you evaporate,
- Bill K.,
Bethesda, MD

Oh, here we go... REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE -- That's how the ol' mantra goes...

What a crock of $#!* !!

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle? Really? Do you guys want to single-handedly bring down the U.S. economy? Our entire society is based on consumption. You NEED to consume. It makes our economy tick (not to mention the global economy as well)... Gives people jobs... Feeds our egos... Supports single moms... Allows for the solicitation of hookers... and makes people rich - especially my buddies (the Oil Execs). Let me break this down for you peons...

Would you want to reuse this guy's diapers?

(He's running for governor in Minnesota)

1. REDUCE - We are American. We are born to consume. So don't reduce, consume!!
2. REUSE - Who wants stuff that's been used by someone else? Do you reuse toilet paper to cut down on the amount of paper you wipe with? That's gross (even for me)! Maybe there's something to those diapers... (see right)
3. RECYCLE - All you people are worried about conserving stuff. Think you're doing a good thing, well, wake up brother. Besides, how big of a pain is the ass is it to separate everything out? Put plastics here... glass there... Paper can't go with glass. C'mon, who has that kind of time?

This gets me thinking... to promote a strong America, our motto should be:

Buy More, Buy Bigger, Buy Now

Exxon out earns everyone, Reagan outspent the Commies, and Britney Spears says, "Give me, Give me... More" (only thing she's said worth listening to - watch it here). And why should this be our mantra?

Want to be this as you age?

1. Buy More - Okay. Scrooge McDuck sucked! He wore no pants and never felt naked for cryin' out loud! This one's easy. Don't be Scrooge (wear pants in public). Buying more makes you feel good, like the world's at your finger tips.
2. Buy Bigger - One phrase, "Mine's Bigger Than Yours." I have a bigger house, bigger car, and bigger boat. And uh... I wear size 22 shoes (So I know I got you beat where it matters!) - Top that!
3. Buy Now - Live in the now! Why put off into tomorrow, what you can consume today? Spend your kid's inheritance (little parasite needs to figure out how to survive on his own anyways). Use that plastic. Ride in style, baby! And let future generations worry about cleaning up your mess (little whelps need to be good for something, if not, why have them?). In any case, you'll be dead or too old to do anything anyway, so what will you care?

Look, this is a great country. And it's great because we can, and do, consume everything. Be the bear in this scenario:

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The Oil Bag is written by Me, The Oil Blob Have a stupid question? email it to oilblob@endoil.org; Or, fill out my contact form.